


The River Runs Warm

by Miss_Riss



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Endgame, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post episode 4x13, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 04, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Riss/pseuds/Miss_Riss
Summary: Clarke imagined all kinds of scenarios for the first time she'd see Bellamy after six years, but never imagined one in which he was in love with a stranger.Post season 4 finale because i'm kinda ticked off that we aren't getting season 5 until April.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically my imagination running wild after season 4.

The River Runs Warm

     It’s been 23 days since Eligius first landed on the ground. Clarke never thought she’d be sharing her patch of green with anyone but the people of the bunker, with her friends who spent six years in space, and with Madi of course. But when the ship came down, everything changed.

     That day, Clarke was trying to reach her friends on the radio, trying to reach Bellamy, when the ship materialized in the sky. She called Madi and they readied the rover, the guns. But when she hid in trees watching, sizing up men and women, children, the injured, a woman who was barking orders and examining the soil, she didn’t expect to see her friends. But then, walking out of the ship with a short cut and a small laptop in hand was Monty Greene. Monty. She felt her gun slipping for her fingers, tears springing in her eyes as he threw his head back to inhale the earths air, as he bent over to pluck a blade of grass and lift it to his nose. Clarke’s lips parted then and her feet moved on their own accord, but she stopped before she made it out of tree cover. The rest of them piled out. Echo with her hair tucked in a braid, a sling around her arm, dropping to her knees and bowing to the earth. Harper right beside her, throwing her arms out and spinning in a circle like Octavia once did that first day on the ground so many years ago. Murphy and Emori walking a few feet apart. Clarke’s stomach churned. Where was Bellamy? She moved one step, two steps, waited thirty breaths. And there he was. Skin lighter than it used to be. Pale. Facial hair bringing out the curve of his lips, lining the structure of his face. Smiling. He was smiling so big and laughing. Then he walked over to someone, a woman that Clarke earlier deemed leader of these people. He walked over and turned her around and they laughed and she leaned up and kissed him. Kissed Bellamy.

     Clarke didn’t realize she had been walking when she first saw him. Her body gravitating toward him without her permission. And then it was too late to take it back. Too late to run back to the Rover and wrap her head around what she just seen. Monty had spotted her just on the clearing of the trees. He yelled, “Clarke?” Pointed even. Then he was just standing there until someone else, Raven, realized he wasn’t imagining it. It was Raven who said her name next and they both started barreling toward her until she was wrapped in their arms. And all she could say was, “Raven, your leg. How are you running?”

     And soon Murphy was there and he was saying things like, “Of course you survived. Of course.”

     And Emori, and even Echo were hugging her, but Clarke was looking at Bellamy. Bellamy who was staring at her, mouth slack, walking slowly away from the woman who was just kissing him. Staring at Clarke like she was a dream. And then he was running and he was pulling her into his arms and he was rocking back and forth and saying, _Clarke. Clarke_. Her feet were lifted off the ground slightly in his embrace and when he set her down he kept his hold tight, hand at the back of her hair, feeling the shortness at her nape, and she was smelling his skin. His neck.

     When he pulled back, he brushed at her cheek with a shaky thumb. “You’re real?”

     “I’m real,” she croaked, and let the tears slip from her eyes. “I’m real, Bellamy.” And when she said his name, the look in his eyes. The tears. And then they were both laughing and crying and hugging. They couldn’t stop touching each other. Just in case. It’s like they were the only two people on earth—until Bellamy’s girlfriend came up behind them.  

 

     Clarke wakes when it’s still dark. She kisses Madi’s head, tucks her into their make shift bed. She smiles at her mother, who sleeps on a cot a few feet away because she refuses to sleep anywhere more than ten-feet away. “You can sleep with Kane. You know?” Clarke had said weeks ago. But Abby just smiled and asked Madi to help her rearrange the tent. The two were already forming a bond and for that, Clarke loved her mother even more.

     She’s quiet when she sneaks off to find peace in the pool of water that only she and Madi know about. They agreed to keep it a secret for now, so they have somewhere to meet, somewhere to go in case something happens.  What? She doesn’t know. But the small river feels sacred. She’ll have to share eventually, but not now.

     As she sets her bag down on a rock, she thinks back to the moment with Bellamy, wishes she could relive it at her command. Feel Bellamy’s arms wrapped around her, the heat of his body pressed into hers, his fingers in her hair. This is what she’s thinking of as she strips naked clothes and eases into the River with only the rays of first light to guide her. This is the only time of the day now that isn’t weighed down by schedules, work, familiar and unfamiliar faces.

     The water is warm, clear enough for her to see her legs. And there’s a waterfall that drops off the rocks overhead with the slightest force. She stands beneath it and pretends its Bellamy’s hands racking down her back. Closes her eyes as the water massages her shoulders, runs down her breasts.

 

     It’s crowded back at her camp. What used to be her camp. She now shares the land with the people they rescued from the bunker, and some members of Eligius who couldn’t bear to sleep in the ship any longer. She couldn’t refuse them the space. After all, they did help dig out the bunker with the mining tools on their ship. Within days everyone worked together to build huts, bath houses, structures for rain cover, everything but a wall. It was suggested, but the thought of building a wall made Clarke feel suffocated. She said they could have the land, that she’d leave and find some place close to sleep. That’s when her mother stepped in and said they didn’t need a wall. Everyone alive on earth were all together anyway. But she gave in when they requested schedules for guards. She could deal with guards for Madi’s sake.

      Clarke gets back later today than she usually does, but many people are still asleep. She slips by the guards through a path she created years ago, then by tents, and into an area where they set out a make shift table, some chairs. She sits down and pulls out the paper she scored from the bunker, some pencils, and starts sketching. His eyes are the hardest to draw so she saves them for last. She sketches his boyish features: the freckles that line his nose, the white teeth against his smile and adds in the ones more foreign to her: the hair on his face, the changes of his skin. She’s just about done with his left eye when she hears the crackle of earth under feet. She drops her pencil and closes her book and turns. It’s him. Her face flushes because he’s close enough that he may have seen what she was sketching, but he just smiles and takes a seat across from her.

     “Clarke,” he says, and the way he says it makes her bridge the gap between her thighs. “Where have you been sneaking off to every morning?”

     She’s stares at him for a moment. Caught off guard that he noticed, that he would be paying attention after all these years. When he has someone else. And she’s slightly annoyed at the idea of having to answer to anyone besides Madi. Maybe her mom. But she shrugs. “I go for a walk.”

     He raises an eyebrow but drops the subject. “Listen, we need to talk about the food shortage. With so many mouths to feed, Monty estimates we’ll be starved in a week.”

     “How many mouths is in this estimation? I have to worry about our people from the bunker. No one else.”

     His eyebrows draw together. “Clarke, you let members of the Eligius stay here. They have no idea how to live off the earth. What’s safe to eat, what’s not. The best places to hunt. They’re even worse off than the people from the bunker, but only you truly know these grounds now.”

     Clarke knows this, but the thought doesn’t make her feel powerful or important. It doesn’t give her satisfaction. She thinks back to the first three years, where there was no one but her and how some days she’d think about drowning herself in the river to escape the loneliness. But she couldn’t do it, because of them…because of him. When she found Madi, it was like the universe was giving her a small reprieve, telling her to keep pushing. “This was supposed to be a temporary solution, Bellamy,” she says. “It’s too cramped here. Most of the grounders are already building sites only minutes from here for the space. They’re our people now, but they know this is not enough clear ground for everyone. That there’s chaos in great number. Eligius should be doing the same.”

     “Well, we will cut down some more trees. Make space,” he says. “The Eligius are my people too.”

     Something about the people of the Eliguis ship bother her, with their overly friendly smiles, and their whispers when they think no one is paying attention. But what bothers her most is that Bellamy has grown attached to them. “So maybe you should go with them, help them figure out how to survive.”

     She wishes she can take it back as soon as he sucks in a breath. “Clarke.” When he says her name this time, there’s no longing in it, and the air between them feels thick with silence for a few minutes before he reaches out to place a hand over hers. It’s warm and covers her small one completely. It’s the first time he’s touched her in 23 days. The Bellamy she used to know never went a day without some small touch: a poke in the ribs, a hand on her shoulder, a light squeeze. She looks up into his eyes now. “Clarke, those people saved us. We were barely scraping by on the ring when they took us in. We were starving and the systems were shutting down. They’re good people.”

     “You’ve told me. Plenty of times.” She sighs and pulls her hand back, ignores the pained look on his face. “We’ll try to work things out, but the moment there’s trouble. They’ll be the first one’s gone. You be clear to tell your girlfriend that.”

     “Tell me what?” Lena, the leader from the Eligius ship, says from a few feet away. A smirk playing on her full lips. She moves to sit beside Bellamy. Her long brown hair falling slightly into her face. She seems to always show up now whenever Bellamy and Clarke are alone. Like she spies from the shadows and waits for the right moment.

     Clarke doesn’t bother with sugar coating. She looks directly into Lena’s brown eyes. “Your people need to pull their weight here. You all need to start hunting just like everyone else. There’s only been a few volunteers so far, and it’s not enough. Eventually, find your own land to build on. The moment someone steps out of line, they’re gone.”

     “Understood,” Lena says, and this makes Bellamy smile. “No need to worry, Clarke. I’ve got my people handled. I’ll give them the orders. If someone steps out of line, I’ll deal with it.”

     “Good,” Clarke says, pursing her lips. “Winter is short but hard. We’ll need to send out more hunting parties tomorrow. I expect a list from you by the end of the day with the names of all of the people here over sixteen for hunting. I’ll send out parties in the morning.”

     Lena nods, and moves closer to Bellamy, rests her head against his chest. This is Clarke’s cue to get up and walk away.

 

 

 


	2. Ch. 2

Ch. 2

5 days later

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Bellamy asks Lena, zipping her jacket to the top and running his hands up and down her arms. She’s only a few inches shorter than him, so when he pulls her close she kisses his chin. “You don’t have to do this so soon,” he says.

Kane, Abby and Clarke stand with them. Close enough to talk, far enough to give the couple a little space.

Lena smiles and pulls away. “Clarke’s right. It’s too cramped here. We’re going to trek a few miles south, see what we find. If not, we’ll start setting up camp around Eligius.”

Clarke clears her throat. “It’s not really a good area for a camp ground. In the winter, the bears claim that land.” Since Praimfaya, the animals who managed to survive seemed to have migrated to this thriving land and some adapted into beasts far greater than the ones that were here before. “It’s safe for now, but in a few months…” Her words trail off as Lena shoots her a look.

“We will figure something out,” Lena says and turns back to Bellamy. “I have to do what’s best for my people.” They’ve all said this before. They’ve all made hard decisions for their people. No one questions her words again.

Kane steps forward, hands Lena a map. “Clarke drew this up last night. It’s the most updated version we have.”

Abby gives Lena a pack. “Here are some medical supplies. Just in case.”

“Watch for the two headed boar,” Clarke says because she feels like she has nothing to offer. Clarke drew the map, but it was Kane’s idea to give it to the Eligius. “They’re tricky to hunt, but one will be enough meat to carry you all through for a few days.”

“Two days,” Bellamy warns, holding up two fingers to Lena.

She kisses his lips. “Two days. I promise.”

Clarke tries to ignore the burning in her chest watching them. And when Lena turns and throws her a smile, she has a vision of leading her to the snake pit. This gives her an idea. When the Eligius crew heads out, Clarke turns to Bellamy and Kane. “I know how to stop the food shortage.”

***

“Should I ask why you’re not partnered up with Bellamy for this?” Murphy says, crouching low in the tall grass.

“Please don’t,” Clarke hisses. “Matter of fact, don’t talk at all.”

“Ouch, Princess. Still holding a grudge on me after six years?”

Clarke sighs. “No, Murphy. They sense vibration. We have to be as quiet as possible.”

“Why didn’t you say that sooner?” He rolls his eyes.

“Pretty sure I did.”

"How big are these things anyway?”

Clarke pulls binoculars from pack and hands them to Murphy. “See for yourself.”

A second later Murphy is gasping, and shaking his head. “Are you fucking crazy, Clarke? We haven’t been on the ground for more than a month and you’re trying to get us eaten alive?”

Just then Bellamy radios. “All teams in position?”

Clarke looks to Murphy, who is shaking his head. “Team 1 in position.”

“Clarke, explain our position again,” Murphy says, regaining his composer.

“We’re the bait.” And then Clarke stands, and starts whistling. The snake is brown like the earth, with large green eyes and a tongue the size of her head. Its body stiffens as it stares her down from half a mile away. And then it starts coming for them. “Run, Murphy!”

And they’re running, careful not to trip over tree logs and vines, ducking under branches and yelling at each other to keep moving. When they make it to the mud ditch, Clarke jumps straight into it and tumbles down. When her butt hits the ground with a thud, she yells, “Murphy, don’t look back,” but he does and he’s cursing, Ohhhh, shit. Oh, shit. He stumbles down the dirt, flipping and rolling till he hits the bottom of the pit. It’s so high and slippery with brown earth that there would be no chance in hell to climb out without help. Clarke helps Murphy up and finds a make shift rope ladder that’s been thrown down the side.

“Hurry the hell up,” Bellamy calls at them from the other end of the rope. Clarke starts climbing and Murphy is right behind her. Bellamy orders the others on his team to start pulling while they climb, and that’s when the snakes hiss sounds from the other side of the ditch. Murphy’s yelling at Clarke to hurry and Bellamy is pulling as hard as he can, and the snake is gliding down the dirt with its 25-foot body covering most of the ditch in a swift movement. That’s when Indra and Octavia’s team materializes on the other side, throwing spears and shooting arrows to weaken the snake. It hisses and tries to turn on them, and Bellamy pulls Clarke up on the ladder, grabs her by the hand and they both go tumbling to the ground. Murphy pushes himself up on the dirt and the others pull him the rest of the way.

Clarke looks down from on top of Bellamy, “Thank you.”

He lets out a breath. “Welcome, Princess.”

“Yeah, thanks for forgetting I was on the ladder too,” Murphy says and Bellamy clenches his jaw.

They all get to their feet and start shooting at the snake, which is trying to make its way up the ditch with its sight on Indra. Octavia moves in silence and pushes Indra aside to get closer to the snake, then she drops to the ground and Bellamy screams beside Clarke, but Octavia slides her sword up as hard as she can and it goes straight through the snakes’ jaw. It makes a pained cry, and falls back into the dirt ditch. Then Octavia and Indra look at each other and slide down to follow it. Octavia removes her sword from the wounded snake, and she and Indra both take turns chopping its head off.

It takes every member of the group to carry the estimated 500-pound snake back to the camp. People gasp, cheer, some run their hands over the snakes’ skin. Clarke goes over to where Octavia stands. “That was impressive. Dangerous, but you did good.” When Octavia doesn’t respond, Clarke straightens her back. “We are supposed to have a meeting tomorrow. Appoint a council for the camp. I don’t think I can run things here myself. I’ve appointed you for a seat at the council.”

“Withdraw my name,” Octavia says. It’s the first time she’s spoken directly to Clarke since they got the bunker open. That was 18 days ago.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asks, brows furrowed. “The people of the bunker follow you.”

Octavia’s voice is low, nearly a growl. “I said, withdraw my name.”

Clarke watches as the girl, who turned warrior, who turned leader stride passed Kane and Indra without a glance. Kane offers Clarke a sad smile before continuing his conversation with Indra.

***

Out of the 1,200 that went into the bunker, only 800 made it out alive. Some died of starvation, others of illness. Some were put to death by Octavia’s sword. When Bellamy is not hunting, he’s with her. She doesn’t talk to anyone but him, sometimes Indra. Kane says the things Octavia’s had to do to keep people in line after the fifth year were unthinkable.

He puts another piece of wood on the fire and sits down beside Clarke, who is staring at the Blakes as they huddle under a tree, eating their share of snake. “Octavia just needs time to heal up.” Kane sighs. “The things she’s had to do.”

“Tell me,” Clarke says, catching his eyes.

Kane shifts. Pushes his makeshift plate away from him. He’s a lot thinner from his days in the bunker. The hair around his face and on his head is greying a nice shade of silver. It almost makes him more handsome than before. “She cut out tongues when the food ran low and people started resorting to cannibalism,” he says. “Cut out tongues, took teeth, split jaws with a knife, and let people bleed to death as an example. It’s probably the only reason so many of us are still alive.”

Clarke releases the breath she was holding, stares down at her fingers. 400 dead. So many alive. “Cannibalism?”

Kane nods, wraps his arms around himself. Clarke reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and she pulls away. “I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s just. I can’t close my eyes at night without seeing it. People feeding on the dead, arguing about sacrificing the living. There are worst things than death, Clarke.”

Clarke thinks of her mother, wonders if Kane’s lack of sleep or night terrors is what really keeps her from him at night. Clarke also wonders why this is the first time she’s heard of the cannibalism in the 18 days the people of the bunker have been here. Why hasn’t her mother spoken about it? Why aren’t there whispers in the camp? Rumors? Are there people here that have feed on the flesh of their friends?

“You’re wondering if I’m telling the truth,” Kane asks, tilting his head to the side. Clarke shakes her head, parting her lips to speak but he holds up a hand. “I doubt anyone wants to remember what happened down there, Clarke. That’s why you haven’t heard about this sooner.”

She nods. It makes sense. “I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine.”

Kane shrugs, though Clarke knows it’s halfhearted. “We’re alive. Time heals.”

“Yeah, it does,” Clarke says and her eyes dart to Octavia. Then they catch on Bellamy’s. He stares at her until she breaks eye contact.

Kane laughs and Clarke’s shifts her gaze to him. “You’d think after six years apart you and Bellamy would have figured it out already,” he says. But before she can ask what he’s talking about, he’s heading to where Abby sits with Madi.

Clarke decides she doesn’t want to eat alone tonight. After spending two years on the ground without another soul for company (before she found Madi and the girl gave her the strength to keep living), she can’t bear to eat alone. She picks up her tray and goes to sit with Monty, Harper, Raven and Murphy. “Where’s Emori?” Clarke asks, taking a place beside Raven.

Murphy takes a huge bite from his snake on a stick. Raven tries to change the subject. Monty smiles, and says, “Last I seen, she was on guard with Ray.” Ray is one of the people from Eligius. One of the few adults that stayed behind today while the rest are searching for a good place to set up new camp. Seems like Ray and Emori are together a lot these days. “But it’s not her turn…” Clarke starts, and Raven mutters an excuse me and a few seconds later Murphy pushes his plate away and heads after her. “Am I missing something here?” Clarke asks as she watches Murphy follow Raven into one of the cabins.

Monty smiles with one side of his mouth and Harper laughs. “Let’s just say there were some weird hookups in space. Six years is a long time,” Harper says.

Clarke’s lips thin at the comment as she thinks of Bellamy, but then a smile lifts her mouth. “Raven and Murphy. Who would have guessed?”

Monty shrugs. “It’s fairly new. They have this weird love-hate thing. When they’re not screaming at each other, they’re sneaking off somewhere.”

Clarke furrows her eyebrows. “And Emori?”

“She keeps herself busy,” Harper pipes in.

Clarke nods. “Weird space hookups,” then she looks at the two of them and smiles. “But you two seem to be good?”

Monty reaches out and grabs Harpers hand. “There have been some bumps, but we’ve managed.”

Just then Bellamy heads over with a few drinks. “Monty, you’ve outdone yourself with this moonshine.”

Monty and Harper reach out and take a cup, but Clarke shakes her head. “Thank you, but I think I’m going to call it an early night.” She says goodnight and walks away, but Bellamy is right behind her.

He follows her into her tent. “Care to tell me why you’re avoiding me, Clarke?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says, picking up a map and pretending to study it.

“Oh, I think you do,” Bellamy says, pushing one of her hands down so he can look into her eyes. The touch sharpens her senses, makes her realize how close he is. “You’ve been avoiding me since we landed. And I think I know why.”

“You do?” Clarke’s voice is small. She steps back once to get some space.

This makes Bellamy step forward twice, he reaches out to touch her but pulls back his hand, balling it into a fist. “I’m sorry for leaving you, Clarke,” he says, and tears spring to his eyes. “I waited as long as I could. I knew it’s what you would have wanted, but I feel like I failed you.” His voice is cracking now, a tear slipping down his face. “Maybe there was a way…”

“No, Bellamy,” she says, stepping forward to bridge the gap between them, to pull him into her arms. “You made the right call. There was no other way. You all would have died if you didn’t go when you did, and I wouldn’t have made it back in time either way.” She says this and more as she reaches up to stroke the back of his hair, kiss the bare skin of his collar bone. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

They stay there a while, warm bodies and small touches, holding each other. Until he starts playing in her hair, breathing in her scent. And then she’s tracing lines on his back over his shirt, and she swears she feels his lips gently touch her neck, so she can’t help but lift his shirt to place her hand flat against his skin. He sucks in a breath then but neither of them pull away, and he closes his eyes and manages to get closer to her. The only barrier between them now is clothing. And then his lips really are on her throat, kissing softly, slowly, trailing heat everywhere they touch, and she’s throwing her head back in need, and then… someone clears their throat from behind them.

Bellamy and Clarke break apart and he scratches the back of his neck, and she picks the map off the floor.

Abby smirks a little at the both of them. “I was just grabbing my coat. It’s getting chilly.”

She’s gone before either of them can say another word, and Bellamy has his head bowed. “I just remembered I was supposed to bring Raven a part from the Eligius.”

Just the name of the ship makes Clarke’s stomach churn. She nods, and watches as he makes his way out the tent. But then he’s back, and he catches her eyes. His voice is hoarse when he asks, “So if you weren’t avoiding me because of that day, why were you?”

She chews on her lower lip; sure he’s asking her to admit to her jealously. But she shrugs. “Maybe I felt a little awkward. You all were gone for so long, feels like our time together was so long ago. Didn’t want to overstep.” Somehow she knows Bellamy doesn’t believe her. Inside she’s torn between hoping he does so that he drops the subject, and praying he doesn’t.

But Bellamy nods, a small smirk lifting his mouth. “You can never overstep, Clarke.” And then he’s gone.

She lays on her make shift bed, thinking too much about his words. Was there another meaning behind them? Does he want her as much as she wants him? She wishes she can tell him the truth, but knows it isn’t right. What they were doing just a few moments ago wasn’t right either. But it felt so good.

A few hours later, Madi tucks her small body into Clarke’s side and she tells Clarke about all the stories she heard from Bellamy today; how he’s reading Oedipus to her. The things she learned: how to splice a wire from Monty, and how to play poker from Murphy. She talks about hunting for metal scraps with Raven. Soon Madi’s drifting off with a full stomach and a content look on her face. Clarke feels a rush of emotions go through her, thinking of how much Madi is thriving with the new interactions, and how thankful she is to her friends for that.

This is what she’s thinking of when Abby comes in the tent and heads straight for her cot. Clarke thinks her mother is sleeping after a few minutes of silence, but then with an unwavering voice, Abby says, “Bellamy loves her. You know?”

Clarke feels like a shard of glass is piercing her ribs, but she sighs. “I know, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me this.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Abby says. “I don’t want Bellamy to get hurt either.”

Neither says anything after that, but Clarke stays up thinking of her mother’s words. Does she really think Clarke would hurt Bellamy? Of course she does. Clarke hurts everyone she loves eventually. Wells. Finn. Lexa. Everyone she loves dies. But not before she’s taken them for granted in some way. Will she not just do the same to Bellamy? Will he not be hurt for simply loving her? Is this all just a phantom of emotion from a time so long ago?

When Clarke goes to sleep that night, she dreams of Bellamy’s fingers in her hair. But when she wakes in the morning, she decides that can’t happen again. Clarke decides to let him be happy with Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and like :) Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me by the end of this chapter.

Raven’s working on a generator for winter, and Clarke keeps pointing to parts asking, _What’s this? What’s that?_ “Clarke, you’ve been with me for over forty minutes, which in _Clarke time_ is at least three days’ worth of attention,” Raven says, throwing a sideways glance at the blonde. “Tell me what you’re really here for so that you can stop distracting me.”

“First, I resent that comment,” Clarke says and Raven rolls her eyes. “But uh...”

Raven puts her screwdriver down and sits on a stool beside Clarke. “You want to talk about Bellamy?”

Clarke feels flustered at this, stutters, “No,” and shakes her head. Why does Raven think Clarke wants to talk about Bellamy? Is it that obvious?

“Are you sure? Because there were some days on the ring where I wanted to do him in myself so he could stop mopping around about leaving you behind,” Raven says, but her joke misses its mark and both women sit in silence for a minute. “Sorry, that wasn’t funny. Losing you just broke him. It was crazy to watch.”

This makes something stir inside of Clarke. She always knew somewhere deep inside that Bellamy loved her. But did he love her as a friend? As family? As a lover? She denied the latter so many times because she couldn’t afford to be in love—not when there were so many other things to worry about (like surviving the day). And if Bellamy was in love with her? That wasn’t safe. She always knew that if she faced his feelings and then gave in to her own, she’d be all in. Completely, utterly invested in their love. Just like she was with their friendship. So each time she thought of the way his eyes lingered on her, she told herself that he only loved her as a friend, as a co-leader, and it started to feel like the truth. Like theirs was just a bond, two people who understand each other. But after Bellamy went in space and Clarke was stranded on the ground, all of the lies she told herself felt foolish. She was already in love with Bellamy Blake. She knew that because she’d die for the chance of getting him to space. She almost did die. As days passed, weeks, and years, her love for Bellamy was one of the reasons she fought to stay alive. The chance of seeing him again, of telling him how she felt made her determined to survive this new earth. Maybe Bellamy was in love with her too, but that was years ago. Their time together on the ground must feel like ancient history to him. She sighs now, avoiding Raven’s eyes. "Just a little curious about you and Murphy,” she finally says, which isn’t a lie.

Raven turns her head, picks up a wrench. “You’ve never been one to pry into my love life.”

Clarke smiles. “ _Love_ life, huh?”

“Shut up and hand me that radio,” Raven says, pointing. In the short time the brunette has been on the ground, she’s accomplished so much. Clarke tries not to resent Raven for her brains, but sometimes she misses the simplicity of living off the earth without power generators and communication systems. The log cabin that Raven took over feels like the Ark. There is metal everywhere, panels, wires, scrap, a constant low hum of machines running.

“You can talk to me, you know,” Clarke says as she plays with the wires at the back of the radio. “Unless it’s been too long and…”

“Clarke,” Raven shakes her head. “Don’t do that. We’ve always been friends. We’ll always be friends. Six years apart can’t change that.” Clarke straightens up, nods. A smile starting to form on her lips again. She’s about to say something when Raven holds up a hand. “But sleep with my partner again, you’re dead.” Her joke hits the mark this time and they both laugh, memories of Finn and the early days on the ground rising to the surface. After a while the laughter fades out and Raven sighs. “I know he was in love with you, at the end, but I still feel guilty sometimes. Like there’s this space I’m not supposed to fill.”

Clarke reaches out and squeezes Raven’s hand. “He’d want you to fill that space, Raven. He’d want that for the both of us. And I’m thinking you know that already. I’m thinking you’re just scared.”

“What we won’t do today is play therapist,” Raven says, but there’s no malice in her tone.

Clarke draws her eyebrows together, thinking of Bellamy and Lena. Her head still spinning from Bellamy’s lips on her neck. If her mom wouldn’t have walked in on them…Clarke feels a burn in her cheeks. “Are you scared because of Emori?”

Raven laughs. “Murphy and Emori have been over for years. I guess spending so long in tight quarters on the ring made them realize what they had was more of a friendship.” She shrugs. “Murphy told me he loved me the other day. Actually, he yelled something like, _just my luck, I’m in love with someone who could give two fucks about me.”_

Clarke bites her lip, nodding. “Sounds like Murphy.”

“Yeah, somethings don’t change.”

Clarke thinks of Bellamy’s fingers in her hair. The way his body fits like a puzzle against her own. “No, somethings never change.” She sighs. “So do you love him?”

“I think so,” Raven says, banging the wrench against her work desk. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Clarke’s eyes narrow. She leans closer. “What’s the problem then?”

“My leg, Clarke,” Raven says and then she’s off the chair. Slow and wincing, but steady. “It’ll always be my leg.”

Raven hasn’t been keeping her pain a secret this time. When the pressure from being on earth started weighing on her leg, she went straight to Abby. And even though Abby’s eyes look haunted every time she steps in the bunker with Clarke to run tests on Raven, she refuses to give up on finding a solution to Raven’s pain. Abby thinks Raven lost more bone mass from being in space, which is making the pain she felt six years ago much greater now. Clarke thinks about Raven living with the fact that the man she loves is the reason she may never run on earth again. But she doesn’t say anything else as Raven starts working on the generator. She just passes Raven tools and asks questions about the job. And her 40 minutes turns to 2 hours but Raven doesn’t tell Clarke to leave. And as Clarke watches Raven work, she realizes why she missed her so much. Clarke feels a space marked friendship fill inside her again, and hopes Raven allows all of the spaces inside of her to fill up too.

***

Madi’s late for lunch and Clarke starts to worry. She’s sitting beside Murphy, who just shrugs and continues with his meal. It’s snake again, this time coated in some saucy concoction to switch it up. Clarke thinks they'll have to hunt for something else soon or she'll go crazy. “Have you seen Madi?” she asks Raven, who shakes her head and asks Murphy if the seat beside him is taken.

He looks at Raven suspiciously before he shakes his head no and she sits. Clarke’s too worried about Madi to pay attention to the awkward tension. When Monty and Harper come, Raven asks if they’ve seen Madi so she doesn’t have to hear Clarke ask again. They both shake their head no, but Echo pokes her head out from behind them and says, “She was standing guard 20 minutes ago. Maybe she’s still there.” It’s still weird to hear Echo sound so friendly and Clarke tries not to find everything about her suspicious. She says thank you and stands to leave.

Murphy chuckles. “Standing guard at her age? She’s definitely your daughter.”

Clarke rolls her eyes at him and stalks off to find Madi. It’s a warm day and Clarke’s shirt is slick to her skin by the time she walks to the other side of camp. The guard post was built on top of two trees, but when she looks up, she doesn’t see anyone there. Then she hears laughter. Madi’s laughter. “He did what? No way,” Madi says.

Then comes another familiar voice. “Yes, way.”

When Clarke rounds the tree, she sees them. Bellamy and Madi, sitting on stumps. Madis knees are pulled up to her chest and Bellamy has a book in his hand. There is another kid there too. A grounder boy from the bunker. Clarke doesn’t know much about him, but he’s a year or two older than Madi. His name is Zach. He’s sitting close by Madi on the grass. His eyes widen slightly when he sees Clarke.  Bellamy smiles. “Hey, Princess. Came for some stories?”   

Clarke tries to hide her smile. “Maybe next time.” She looks to Madi. “And you, make sure to let me know if you’ll be skipping lunch.”

“Lunch?” Madi quirks up. “I didn’t even realize.”

“Go grab something and sit with Monty and Raven,” Clarke says. Madi nods and glances at the boy, who is on his feet slowly. The two walk off together and Clarke narrows her eyes.

“Go easy on her. I got caught up reading and didn’t realize how much time passed," Bellamy says, sticking a leaf between the pages in his book to mark the spot before shutting it.

“Do you know anything about that boy?” Clarke asks, her eyes leaving Bellamy to fixate again on Madi and Zach’s back as they walk toward the common area. Bellamy laughs. Clarke looks at him with furrowed brows. “What’s funny?”

“You,” Bellamy says. He stands and takes a few steps toward Clarke. “Being the overprotective mother. Worrying about when you’ll have to have the _talk_ with your teenage daughter.”

“Ugh,” Clarke says, chewing on her lip. “Am I that obvious? I have no clue what i'm doing.”

“It’s cute,” he says, and Clarke feels that pull in her stomach. Somehow he’s so close now that she can smell him. He smells like grass and dirt, and his skin is already a few shades darker from the sun. Earth suits him. “I don’t think you have to worry about Madi, she has a lot of innocence left in her.”

“I’m not sure how,” Clarke admits. “These six years haven’t been easy. The things we've been through...”

He reaches out and squeezes her arm softly. “You did good, Clarke. But I’m sorry you had to do it by yourself.”

Somehow the thought of raising Madi with Bellamy springs to Clarke’s mind. It makes her cheeks hot. When she looks up, his eyes are fixed on hers. “Bellamy, I…”  but then the heavy rain starts and Clarke takes it as a sign. “Let’s get inside.”

 

The council is chosen. Bellamy, Clarke, Monty, Indra, Kane, Echo, and Abby all sit in the tallest cabin in camp. There’s a leaky patch on the roof and water drips from it here and there. Bellamy keeps mumbling that he needs to _get out there and fix it_.

Indra looks to him with a grave expression. She hasn’t changed much in the last six years. Maybe she’s a little more reserved. Sometimes. But not today. “Maybe someone else should take your spot on the council so you can go fix all the leaks in the camp,” she says.

This shuts Bellamy up, but he crosses his arms to his chest when Monty breaks into a laugh. “So are we going to talk about why there aren’t any Eligius members on this council?”

Abby laces her fingers, and frowns slightly at Bellamy. “Kane and I have discussed this and we think it's best we wait and see how things go with them before offering them a seat.”

 “Do the rest of us get a say or is this the Kane and Abby show all over again?” Bellamy says, tapping his fingers on the table. “I’d rather not waste my breath if that’s the case. Hell, lets just drop the act and you two can battle it out for chancellor. ”

Clarke looks to Bellamy, something in her chest stirring at his hostility. “They said they discussed it, not decided on it,” she says.  “We can put it to a vote.” When everyone nods, Clarke clears her throat. “All in favor for offering Lena,” she pauses to glance at Bellamy, who avoids her gaze, “Lena Dunning of the Eligius crew a seat at the council, please raise your hand.” Bellamy and Echo’s hands go up, then Clarke’s does too. Bellamy shoots her a look of surprise, and then turns to Monty, who shrugs and slinks down in his chair.

“That’s 3 out of 7,” Kane says. “We won’t offer her a seat right now, but we can take this matter up again in a few weeks’ time.” Everyone agrees to this, but Bellamy doesn’t look happy. For the rest of the meeting they talk about winter: rationing for it, moving people to the bunker, not moving people to the bunker, building more huts, they even discuss taking shelter in the remnants of Becca’s lab (to which Clarke flat out resists), and the entire time, Bellamy looks annoyed. When they adjourn the meeting, he’s the first to storm out, throwing an icy look in Monty’s direction. Clarke notices this and stops Monty from leaving.

  
“Hey,” he says with an uneasy smile. He runs a hand through his short hair. Clarke thinks about how much older Monty looks with his hair like this. More mature.

“Hey back,” she says. “What was that about? Why’d you vote no for Eligius on the council?”

He’s quiet for a moment, and Clarke realizes he’s waiting for the others to clear out. He looks like he’s about to tell her and then he shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

“You spent years with these people. Aren’t they your people too?”

He nods, tries for a smile, but his lips go flat. He leans in a little closer, looking around. “There’s something about Lena that I don’t trust.”

Clarke's eyebrows draw together and she lets a breath escape her mouth. “Has she given you a reason?”

He shrugs. “Not really. She’s just has this sneakiness about her. The way she talks off to the side with Dennis, I don’t know.” Then he sighs. Dennis is Lena's second in command and from what Clarke's seen, the guy seems genuinely nice. “It’s just a vibe, Clarke. Really. She’s been nothing but hospitable to us. And they don’t seem to be hiding anything. I’ve checked through their database, and they're clean," Monty says. "Some of them were criminals before, but it was so long ago. Another life, really. And so were we. It’s probably stupid.”

Clarke shakes her head. “No, it’s not stupid. You always had a knack for knowing when someone or something was off.”

He seems to perk up at this, but then he frowns. “Yeah, but don’t tell Bellamy. He’ll freak.”

“I won’t,” Clarke says, clenching her fist at her side. “Don’t worry, Monty.”

He smiles and moves to walk out of the cabin, but turns back to her. “And Clarke?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t do anything stupid.” He shrugs. “It’s just a vibe.”

Clarke smiles. “Noted.”

***

Clarke does her best to avoid Bellamy for the rest of the day, which isn’t easy. Every time she looks over, he’s staring at her with an unguarded look. He smiles at her from across camp, starts to head over and she smiles back but heads in the other direction. She’s quick when he tries to sit beside her for dinner, but manages to throw him a smile so he doesn’t think she’s mad at him. When he comes to relieve Emori from guard so that he can be alone with Clarke, she asks Emori if they can trade breaks. The vein at the side of Bellamy’s forehead ticks then and he narrows his eyes at Clarke, but she still slips away.

When she walks into her tent, Abby is braiding Madi’s hair. It’s eloquent and fluffy and Madi gushes as she holds a broken piece of mirror to her face. “I love it,” the girl says and gives Abby a hug.

Abby kisses the top of Madi’s head and sends her off to bed. Clarke walks over to where Abby stands, taking Madi’s stray hairs from the comb. “Thank you, Mom.”

“She’s a great kid, Clarke,” Abby says, throwing a glance at Madi over her shoulders. The girl is cuddled up with some animal skins and already dozing off. “I’m so happy that you had each other.”

“Me too,” Clarke smiles, a warmth coursing through her. “I wouldn’t have survived without her.”

Abby nods, knowing Clarke means mentally. She’s had similar feelings in the bunker. She wouldn’t have survived without Kane. Though she resented him for years after he decided her fate for her. Still, she knew she’d do the same if it were the other way around. Without Kane, the bunker would have been unbearable. They survived it together. Abby swallows. “I know what you mean.”

“Mom,” Clarke says, rubbing a hand over Abby’s arm. “You can talk to me about the bunker. I know how horrible it was down there. Maybe it’d help if…”

Abby shakes her head. “Somethings are better buried.” And then she wraps an arm around Clarke and kisses her cheek. “Let’s get some rest.”

***

Clarke is off to the river earlier than usual when she wakes. It’s so dark she can only see a few feet in front of her for most of the trek. But then light starts to break through the trees and her movements become faster. Out here, in the woods, she feels more like herself. For years, her and Madi lived a lot of the summer in tree-forts they built themselves.She doesn’t have to climb one today to realize someone has been following her since she left camp. Far behind, but close enough that she can hear the rustles of leaves under feet. She thought about leading whoever it was in another direction so that she didn’t reveal the river. She thought about this until she realized who was following her. And then she kept going, kept walking along with a burn at the pit of her stomach.

When she gets to the lake, she bends over and splashes her face with the water. “You can come out now, Bellamy,” she says, but doesn’t turn around.

“If it were someone else, you might be dead,” he says, coming out from behind a tree.

“Doubt that,” she snorts, and turns to face him. “None of you know how to properly walk through the woods yet. You all need more time to re-learn.”

“Master Clarke,” he rolls his eyes. “Teach me your ways, oh wise one.”

She laughs. “I should have led you to the snake pit.”

“But you didn’t,” he says and walks over to the water, bends to splash in it. Clarke watches as his body relaxes. “Why didn’t you?”

“Maybe it’s time I share,” she says with a shrug.

He looks at her, opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it. “This is amazing. The water’s safe?”

“Me and Madi haven’t grown extra toes or anything,” she says.

He laughs, and then he’s serious again. “You shouldn’t come out here by yourself.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s not safe.”

“Everyone on the ground is huddled back at camp, and you think I’m in danger out here?” She says, shaking her head.

“Can you kill one of them snakes by yourself? With that small blade of yours?” he asks, reaching out to tap the dagger tied to her hip.

She steps back at the touch, tries for a smile to hide her nerves. _What are you doing, Clarke? Go back to camp. Go, right now._ “You have a point there,” she says. And then, “Want to go for a swim?”

 “I have your permission?” He teases.

She rolls her eyes, starts kicking off her boots. “Whatever.” She considers removing her clothes like she usually does, but decides against it. The sun will be high in the sky on the walk back and she has an extra shirt in her pack to change into later. She walks into the water and splashes at Bellamy. “You going to just stare or you coming in?”

Bellamy smirks, taking his boots off first and then goes his shirt. Clarke tries not to stare at his body. The scars from old battles, the muscles of his arms. His pants go next and then he’s heading toward her with just boxers on. She inhales. _Not too late to head back to camp, Clarke._

He exhales when the water reaches his chest. “This feels…”

“Incredible,” she finishes.

He smiles and tilts his head back on the water. Clarke starts counting his freckles when he closes his eyes. When he opens them, she blinks and steps back, but he reaches for her wrist in the water, misses. She swims away, and he half walks—half swims after her. She reaches the water fall and stands beneath it. He tells her to push over and stands beside her. The water beats a little harder today. Clarke thinks it’s from yesterday’s rain. They let it fall down their backs for a while before he speaks. “Wow,” he says. “Wow.” He turns his head toward her, “No wonder you keep this a secret.”

“It’s not a secret anymore.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he says, and looks away. “Not unless you want me to.”

Tingles prick through her body at his words. “Maybe it can stay a secret a while longer,” she says.

He nods, and turns to her. “You’ve been avoiding me again. Is it because of what happened in your tent?”

“Bellamy,” she warns, taking a step to walk away.

His hand finds hers this time, he pulls her to face him. “Clarke, I’m sorry about that. It’s just, I can’t help but want to be close to you. It’s been so long, and I…” He rubs his thumb over one of her brows, then pulls back. “See, I keep crossing the line." He sighs. "I’m sorry. but please don’t avoid me. I need you.”

Something inside of Clarke screams for her to walk away, to run away. But his words remind her of a time long ago, and something else inside of her makes her stand on her tip toes and kiss his lips softly. It’s quick and when she pulls back she can’t help but choke out. “I’m sorry, I just needed to do that. Just once.” She turns away and closes her eyes, ready for him to tell her how wrong it was.

But Bellamy pulls her body against his, tilts her head up when her eyes flash open, and leans down to captures her lips. The kiss is slow at first, tentative, they each take turns biting at the others lower lip, then sucking the skin there. Clarke’s whole body is in overdrive. She can feel everything. It’s like she’s never kissed anyone else. Bellamy’s lips are softer than she expected, and his hands move slowly up and down her spine inside of the water. They break apart to take a breath and he leans his forehead against hers. And he’s whispering, _Hi, Princess._ And she’s looking up at him like he’s what she’s been missing her whole time on earth. 

When they kiss again, it’s all hunger and need. Clarke flicks her tongue against his lips and he opens his mouth and she whimpers as his erection presses below her navel. And then his mouth is on her neck like before, but this time he’s sucking softly and she’s throwing her head back in a moan. She straightens and grabs his hand to lead them beneath the waterfall, where there’s a stack of rocks to lean on. He pins her there and pulls her shirt above her head, and kisses all the bare skin his lips can find. And he’s unclasping her bra with one hand, and she leans her head further into the rock wall as his tongue finds one of her nipples. She moans and starts playing with the zipper on his pants under the water, and once it’s down she slides her hand there and strokes him. He moans, and it’s, “God, Clarke, I’ve wanted this for so long.” And her name on his lips as he groans in pleasure builds a throb between her thighs. He takes her breast in his mouth again, sucking softly, tongue darting out here and there to tease. So perfect like he knows what he’s doing. Somehow this seems to stop them both, they pull away slightly, but he leans his forehead against the rock beside her, and closes his eyes. “This is wrong,” he says after a moment.

Clarke knows he’s right. But tears still spring in her eyes. Maybe if she would have said it before him, she wouldn’t feel this bad. But then he’s looking at her, holding her chin in his hand. He kisses her lips softly, doesn’t make a face when she doesn’t kiss him back. “I have to end it with Lena first. And then we,” he kisses her again. “Me and you, back here. Exactly like this.”

She’s surprised at his words. Her heart’s erratic beat in her chest becomes noticeable. But then she sighs. “You’re happy with her. This was just…” she smiles, “this was just a long time coming. It’s not right.”

His eyebrows scrunch together, and then his face softens and he smiles. “Not yet. Not until I end it with her.” He leans in and kisses Clarke one more time. “I just had to do that again. Just to know it was real.”

"It was real," Clarke says. 

Then he’s pulling her out the water with him, and they’re smiling like fools as Bellamy pulls his dry shirt over his wet body and Clarke changes into hers. She thinks he'll change his mind on the long walk back to camp. He’ll get solemn and disappear into his head. He’ll realize how much he loves Lena, and whatever this is will be over before it really got to start. But Bellamy talks to her like she’s his only friend in the world, tells her about their time on the ring. About Harpers pregnancy scare, Echo’s depression from being in a tin can in the sky. He talks to her about how Octavia's getting better day by day. He laughs at Clarke’s hunting stories, and asks questions about Madi, and he’s so excited to be reading her mythology that it makes Clarke feel all warm and happy. Occasionally he’ll reach out to squeeze her hand. And the space marked love begins to fill in Clarke. She thinks Bellamy really might be in love with her too.

But when they get back to camp, mostly dry and smiling uncontrollably, Lena is the one who is standing guard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you hate me? Was it too much? Please comment and let me know your thoughts. I appreciate all of the comments I've received so far :)

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy reading comments, even constructive criticism is welcome here. Please like and comment :)


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